Puerto Rican Spanish has countless ways to describe complete chaos in a place or situation. This page attempts to answer the most important question of our century:
¿Cuál crical es el peor crical? — Which kind of chaos is the worst chaos?
A rough hierarchy of intensity
flowchart TD A["Chaos / disorder<br/>(in a place or situation)"] A --> P["Words<br/>(nouns and labels)"] A --> D["Sayings<br/>(full phrases)"] P --> P1["Mild<br/>(neutral or not very vulgar)"] P --> P2["Moderate<br/>(colloquial)"] P --> P4["Extreme<br/>(very vulgar)"] D --> D2["Moderate<br/>(common phrase)"] D --> D3["Strong<br/>(a major mess broke out)"] P1 --> desorden["Un desorden<br/>(formal; neutral)"] P1 --> reguero["Reguero<br/>(mess; neutral)"] P2 --> revolu["Revolú<br/>(commotion; common)"] P2 --> peo["Un peo<br/>(mildly vulgar problem)"] P4 --> crical["Crical<br/>(vulgar; total chaos)"] P4 --> carajal["Carajal<br/>(very vulgar; total chaos)"] P4 --> despingue["Despingue<br/>(very vulgar; ugly mess)"] P4 --> jodienda["Una jodienda<br/>(very vulgar; problem/chaos)"] P4 --> descone["Descoñe<br/>(very vulgar; total chaos)"] P4 --> descojon["Un descojón<br/>(very vulgar; total chaos)"] D2 --> pastores["Se formó la de los pastores<br/>(a major commotion)"] D3 --> madre["Se formó la madre de los tomates<br/>(an enormous mess)"]
Which word should you use?
- Formal or inoffensive: un desorden or un reguero.
- Colloquial but not very vulgar: revolú.
- A mild vulgar edge: un peo.
- Strong and vulgar: crical, carajal, despingue, or una jodienda.
- Extreme: descoñe or un descojón.
- As a full saying: se formó la de los pastores or se formó la madre de los tomates.
Poorly named businesses
The only people in the Puerto Rican archipelago who can use crical with no irony or vulgarity at all: billiards players.
This is a perfect case study for why cultural review matters:
If there had been one Boricua—just one—on that blessed team, this would not have happened. Now they have a… crical. Ja.
On the other hand…
